An article by Chris Jones in Esquire is causing an uproar: http://www.esquire.com/features/women-who-are-bad-in-bed-0412?click=news His article, titled “Ladies: You’re Not as Good as You Think,” is the latest unfortunate salvo in the pointless and never-ending “Battle of the Sexes.” His article basically says “I’m not very good in bed, but most women are even worse in bed than me.” Great, just what we need. Because there aren’t enough articles in the media about how lousy everyone is in bed. Unfortunately, this meme has permeated even the “Evolutionary Community,” where you have sanctimonious “sex coaches” telling us how bad and selfish “most men” are in bed, and how they’re heroically rescuing the female world from bad male lovers, one coaching session at a time. ( Sorry, sex coach guys, as much as I love and support what you’re doing, the “high horse perspective” is so NOT sexy. Time to get off it.) From one standpoint, the author has a point. Yes, the world is full of unconscious, selfish, ego-driven people who, unsurprisingly, have lost the ability to connect with their lovers, and are terribly unsatisfying. And I completely disagree with my brothers in the “Evolutionary Community” that this is entirely or predominantly the [...]
When is a Knight a Night?
A couple days ago I wrote about my latest breakthrough around vulnerability, actually I wrote it almost as it was happening. To give some more depth, I want to talk about my coaching experience when I worked with Destin (as a student) a couple years ago. In our first session, we went through a guided visualization where I was introduced to my “ideal self,” the full empowered and actualized man inside me. On that first day, this archetype of my ideal self told me his name – “Dark Knight.” Or at least I thought it was “Dark Knight,” how else would it make sense? Rewind several years. I was just recently separated from my first wife and the people I had trusted bailed on me. At night, in the dark, I felt the weight of that vulnerability and experienced panic attacks for weeks after. I didn’t face them, I distracted myself and ran from them. I tried to cover up the fear. Over the years following, I built up a good life, but sometimes the feelings would come back in the middle of the night. As I experienced my awakening and let go of so much baggage, it seemed the [...]
For Men: On Being Her Hero
Men, if you want to become better lovers, know yourselves and don’t hold back in connection. There’s nothing to learn, don’t disperse your energy with different women, hurried and hungry. Satiate yourselves in connecting with yourselves alone. Only then go ready towards a woman with total passion, in fullness within. Women see everything when you make love. We do not judge your sexual abilities, but we will be rejecting anything less than love. Consciously or not. Don’t get caught in fear of what you look like as a man. We love you. Just know who you are. That’s all it takes to be the hero, the one, the perfect man. ~ Eirini Oikonomou
Pain and Vulnerability
I’m experiencing a breakthrough tonight, a giant opening in my heart and spirit. It started with a panic attack, something I haven’t felt in years, and it was intense. Actually it started with me fucking up my back at the gym, not for the first time, either. So I’m in pain, incapacitated, and a lot more helpless than I’m used to being. And I realize now I’m really uncomfortable being in situations where I’m helpless and not in control. Interestingly, I’ve been experiencing big releases all week around surrender and feeling vulnerable. And it was in the midst of this panic attack that I felt that vulnerability, and that fear, and let myself open up. This time I didn’t run nor try to distract myself from the panic, I accepted it. And for a while, it sucked. But I kept letting go and embracing this vulnerability until I opened. There’s nothing to control. Life is too big to even try to control, it was all an illusion. And it’s okay, giving up control, letting go, feeling helpless and vulnerable. I’m sure I’ll have more to say. I knew this back injury would serve a purpose, didn’t think it would be [...]