I originally got into the “personal evolution” arena as a way to release my inner barriers and “live out loud.” Along the way, I found some amazing people, learned a lot, and had some incredible breakthroughs. Eventually, I put those experiences and lessons down on paper and created my first book – things were really flowing and feeling great.
Then, for some odd reason, I switched gears and went into this “commercial mode,” where I became very concerned about “messaging” my “audience” and blogging felt very uptight and constrained. I lost my voice. Without knowing it, I’d strayed away from my purpose and everything just felt like work.
For a period of time, basically from September up to now, I’ve been working a new “full-time” job, while at the same time working away during my “downtime” (usually commuting on the train to and from work) doing various writing work on other “evolutionary” collaborations I’ve been working on. Great, things are moving along.
But somewhere in the middle of this, I ran into some quicksand and just felt myself slogging along. I’d lost touch with that energy, that inner poet that’s been the source of my inspiration. How many people feel that – getting bogged down in the details and the “to-do lists” and losing touch with what had you doing this in the first place?
I actually went through a period in the fall and early winter where I felt depressed – I felt like I was “doing what I was supposed to do,” and feeling just more and more tired and resistant and downright unhappy. I mean, I was writing – that’s my passion, what’s wrong here?
Around the new year, I went through Destin Gerek’s teleseminar “Stepping into Your Masculine Sexual Power,” a six week group coaching class designed to help men release limiting beliefs and step fully into their masculine power. This class was also to further my collaborative writing work with Destin. I definitely felt some shifts as I went through the course and embodied the lessons and felt a stronger connection to the source of energy that had inspired me to generate the book – that free-flowing, creative, passionate energy that doesn’t fit into the confines of a “self-help blog.”
I also felt a lot more peace, power and enjoyment in my life. Moreover, I feel that power of expression, that opening of my throat chakra – creation, inspiration, passion. And a deepening level of presence and inner confidence underneath it all.
I want to share that energy in this blog. If I’m inspired to offer my life lessons, great, I’ll offer them. If my inspiration takes me to other areas, then I’m going to open up and allow some of that in here as well, even if it’s not related to the subject of my book.
My real “a-ha” through these several months was that my purpose in life isn’t to “sell books and offer good advice.” That wasn’t what inspired me to write, nor the energy Destin saw when he encouraged me, nor the energy that led to me writing other books, poetry, articles, of all types. I want to do *that* – the full, out-loud expression – and if in the process I can help others learn and grow, great! I love personal evolution, Tantra, meditation, subtle energy, massage, aromatherapy, fitness, so that’s going to come out. If in the process I sell a few books, awesome!
But I’ve thrown away the “cookie cutter recipe to Internet Sales” and gone back to what works for me. Which means I’ll have more to say here J